


The French Are Strange Men

by Alienpixels



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Curiosity Killed The Cat Sniper, M/M, Sniper Makes Fun of Scout, Then Again Who Doesn't, kind of flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2019-11-21 07:25:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18139175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alienpixels/pseuds/Alienpixels
Summary: Spy does something strange that catches Sniper off-guard. He plans to find out why.





	The French Are Strange Men

**Author's Note:**

> Woah! First TF2 fic!

Sniper sat, frozen. Through his rifle, he followed an unsuspecting member of the BLU team: a wandering robo-soldier; front-line fodder; a pawn. Nonetheless, he was the enemy and he decided to do what he did to his enemies best.  
  
He aimed his rifle and was about to pull the trigger when he heard footsteps behind him. They were light and they would've gone unheard if the floorboards hadn't creaked and the smell of smoke hadn't begun to fill the room  
  
"What is it?" He asked. Spy stood next to him.  
  
"Ms. Pauling has asked for all of us in the rec room. Another debriefing." Sniper relaxed his gun.  
  
"You shouldn't sneak up on me like that, mate. Coulda killed ya."  
  
The Spy simply scoffed. "Please. Now come." He had said that please like the word had a z at the end of it. "Pleaze." It was so different than his please that sounded like someone was gaping as they said the word.  
  
He got up from his perch, grabbed his gun and hat and followed Spy out. They walked side by side in silence, Spy smoking his cigarette and in deep thought. Mundy looked the other way and put his hat on his head. His aviators were on the bridge of his nose, steadily declining downwards. He scrunching his face, pushing them back up.  
  
They arrived to the rec room where Mundy held open the door for Spy who raised a brow.  
  
"Thank you." Why did the French speak with a z in every sentence? His thank you had sounded more like "zank you" and it almost made him smile. He instead tipped his hat and followed Spy inside.  
  
There was a large couch in the middle of the room next to two armchairs occupied by Engineer and Medic who where comparing notes on some project Sniper probably couldn't comprehend; Pyro sat on the floor playing with a lit match; On one side of the couch, Heavy sat, arms crossed. On the other, Soldier was arguing with Demo about explosives or something. Sniper made a note about not intervening.  
  
Spy leaned against the wall, cigarette still in his mouth. Sniper plopped down next to Scout who was still waiting for the screen to turn on. Scout was the only one who seemed to be actually focused, unsurprisingly. His obvious crush on Ms. Pauling showed tremendously, making Sniper snicker.  
  
"You excited for the debriefing too, mate?" He made sure it sounded as sarcastic as possible.  
  
"Screw you," Scout replied with a scowl.  
  
Sniper let out a hoarse laugh. "What? 'Fraid Ms. Pauling's gonna hear?" Although teasing wasn't his favorite thing to do, he was low on options for entertainment and Scout's face made it worth it anyway.  
  
"Listen here ya son of a bitch-"  
  
"Scout." Spy's head was now turned to them, a glare on his face. He revealed his signature knife from his sleeve, it glinting in the sunlight. Scout shot him a dirty look but slumped back into the couch.  
  
Sniper, puzzled, raised a brow to him. Spy went back to smoking, now ignoring them both. He was about to call him out for it when the screen crackled to life and the black and white image of Ms. Pauling appeared.  
  
"Guys I-" She stopped for a second. "Demo, stop trying to put a bomb in Soldier's mouth." Demo frowned but did as he was told, muttering to himself as he removed the grenade from Soldier's mouth.  
  
"Anyway," she continued, "last week's debrief. While we did improve on defensive technics our offensive methods need some work..." As she continued on, Sniper glanced at Spy who was following Ms. Pauling's every word. He still hadn't finished his cigarette. The ash from the cancer stick fell to the ground.  
  
"... and in short, don't die this week. Good luck." She signed off and the screen went blank. Scout sighed dreamily. He was snapped out of his trance by Soldier who smacked him upside the head.  
  
"Up lover boy! Next time you sigh dreamily, you give me fifty push-ups!" Scout jumped up, his cheeks a furious red.  
  
"What the hell?!" He yelled. Soldier guffawed earning him a punch in the face. He responded with grabbing Scout's head and putting him in a choke-hold, like they always ended up doing. Demo laughed and cheered them on.  
  
"Get 'em! Kill 'im Soldier!" He called while taking a chug of his whisky. Scout screeched for him to let go while Soldier just called him a maggot. While the scene was hilarious to Mundy, he decided to head back to his post. That Soldier wasn't going to kill himself. Probably. He turned his head to where Spy stood to see him already heading towards the door.

"Hm," Sniper muttered. He jogged out the door behind him and when he went out into the hall, he was gone.

* * *

 Mundy leaned against the kitchen island, coffee mug in hand. He sipped casually, looking around the room to see if he'd come in yet. No one else was up besides him and Spy; for the French always seemed to get up early from his experience (he knew one). He checked his watch. 5:30. Just as he looked up, he heard footsteps coming from down the hall and the aroma of smoke. Through the doors emerged Spy, fully dressed. He looked surprised for a minute to see Sniper.

"Mornin' mate." Mundy hummed as he took another sip of his coffee. Perplexed, Spy raised a brow.

"Good morning..." Sniper smiled inside his cup. Everything was going according to plan.

Spy went to the coffee machine. Weird. Sniper had never seen him eat and just assumed he lived off those cigarettes of his. He smoked enough of them anyway.

"Forgive me for asking," Spy started, pouring himself a cup, "but why are you up so early?" Had it been a little too eccentric of him to wake up four hours from his usual rising time just to squeeze an answer out of Spy? Maybe, but he was too far in it now to go back. And he didn't mind getting up early anyway. He'd stayed up much longer on jobs where he'd wait days just for a target to show. This was nothing.

"Thought I'd get started early on some shootin' practice." He responded casually. "You?"

Spy took a small sip and then recoiled and put his cup down. "What kind of coffee beans do you use? This is revolting." He decided not to take offense to that.

"Didn't answer the question, mate." He could tell that Spy knew he had an ulterior motive. He probably thought it was a lot more gruesome than it actually was, but he couldn't blame him. They were mercenaries after all.

"Fine." He went to the cupboard to retrieve his coffee. Sniper knew what was going to happen before it did. Suddenly, Spy swiped out his knife, grabbed him by shoulder, turned him around, and slammed him against the wall. They were quiet for a few seconds and for some reason he started to laugh. Mundy tried to contain it, but couldn't stop once he began. Spy sent a glare at him. He was obviously confused and frustrated which just made it more funny. He eventually calmed down when he became aware that the knife at his throat was actually starting to  _hurt._

"I'll ask the questions," Spy hissed, pressing it closer. There he was again, with those z's. " _Zhe_ questions." How did he manage to make it sound so cultured?

"Fine," he replied, sounding just like Spy earlier. 

"Why are you suddenly so curious about my personal life?" It was a simple question with a simple answer, but forgive him for his mind going blank the moment he asked with a knife to his throat. Why was he so curious again? 

"It's a simple question, bushman." Ouch, that stung a little.

"Hey, there's no need for name callin', mate." 

"Then answer the question!" It suddenly rushed back to him.

"Yesterday, back at the rec room, why'd threaten Scout when we was havin' a banter?" The room seemed dead quiet. Light peeked through the closed blinds as the morning sun rose then fell. Bodies decomposed. Cities were abandoned. Empires rose and fell. 

Finally, Spy let him go. Sniper rubbed his neck. "That wasn't hard was it?" He asked. Spy took out another cigarette from the tin case he kept them in and took out a lighter. He lit it and inhaled for a moment. Then he released the smoke out into the room. How did he make that look so... roguish?

"The reason why is because that boy should not be disrespecting others. Especially an elder." Sniper waited for more and didn't receive any. 

"That it?" Spy raised a brow.

"Were you expecting something else?" Mundy shrugged and sat down on the stool again and took another sip of his coffee. Ugh. Cold.

"Not old," he muttered while taking another sip.

"What?" Sniper stood and dumped the remaining caffeine into the sink and down the drain.

"Said I'm not old. And what are you? You ain't the ankle biter's damn dad." He refilled his cup from the pot and waited for a reply. Maybe something witty or insulting, the usual. Instead, he was met with silence. He didn't like that.

"Was only jokin'," he reassured him, "I screw around with the kid too. S'fine." That seemed to snap Spy out of his trance. He scoffed and tucked his knife away. 

"Please." _Pleaze_.

"Please what?" This was a different silence. There was a tension in the room that Mundy couldn't describe. He was kind of regretting talking back.

"Please as in, do _not_ pity me." He leaned in so close, Sniper could smell his breath. It was minty. "Ever."

Sniper looked down then up and became aware that Spy was considerably close to him. Very close. He could trace the sharp features of his face that still showed under his mask if he wanted. His cheekbones were the sharpest he'd ever seen. 

"Didn't mean it like that." Why was he apologizing? He didn't do anything wrong. Did he? 

Spy was silent and still. Then he exhaled and put out his cigarette on the island. He looked back at Sniper.

"He should not have talked to you like that, even if you were taunting. You do not deserve to be disrespected." Without waiting for a response, he moved beside him and walked to the hallway door and walked out, not looking back. Mundy sat down for a few seconds, thinking that over. 

He chuckled, taking another sip of his coffee that had gone cold again.

"Think he likes me."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question: Do y'all want a second chapter or another one shot?

**Author's Note:**

> Do y'all want a second chapter or another oneshot?


End file.
